Welcome to Chelsea Anonymous.
My name is Charlie and I’m a Chelsea Fan.
As Chelsea fans we are used being tested, tormented and tortured. We suffer because along the way we celebrate, win more than any other London team (pretty much all of them combined!) or play incredible creative exciting football and lose with honour. Or Costa.
Watching the last two games with Young Richard, over 100 years of True Blue between us, we both felt as low as we ever have as Chelsea fans.
We don’t care if we lose, as long as we play with passion. We know there are as many downs as ups; that the notorious midwinter Chelsea ‘Bad Moment’, as coined by our greatest ever manager (himself Ancelotti The Eyebrow), can last for two months; that being a Chelsea fan is worrying often if the team will turn up.
But this bunch of young exciting talented players are pretty much the same crew who were blowing teams away before Christmas. I was in shock at how quickly Maresca gelled us into an attacking unit that scored for fun, from all over the pitch.
That - as we know - is how you win titles. And when I say titles, I don’t mean the foreign manager description of the Community Shield.
I mean Premierships.
The league.
League Division One in the old money.
A mere four months ago we were fearless, focused and - but for the lack of a mature striker, a fit Fofana and the return of Petrovic - as good as I could hope for.
So what happened? Some ideas: not even opinion. Just trying to make sense of this drivel we’re playing.
No leadership. We look clueless, but Maresca is a great tactician, so I’m sure there is a plan. If we’re not executing it then somebody on the pitch must make it happen.
Nobody’s shouting or pointing out there. Nobody's taking charge on the pitch. Young players without a mature mix, desperate for a kick up the backside during games.
What happened to change our season? Well, Maresca played to type, a mini-Pep, and started playing Moisés Caicedo at right back, inverting with possession.
All very clever, two shapes for when you have and haven’t the ball. Mind-blowing when introduced by Pep years ago, but now teams know how to exploit it, so don’t do it.
Anyway, Moises is the best Midfield Destroyer since St. Claude ‘Wot Moi?’ of Makelele, so leave him at the neck of the spine to bite like a vampire.
Stop tinkering with the centre backs and goalie. That triangular three is the rhythm section of all great teams, so choose and stick, as much as injury allows. Then everyone knows their job and players start to trust each other.
Anyone in goal but Sanchez or Kepa. Bring Petrovic home from loan. If it ain’t broke blah blah blah. He did well enough last year.
I know Fofana is injured, Disaster’s out on loan, Badiashile turned out to be an anagram of his name and yuk, it’s ugly, but choose and stick.
The reason our defence has been so shite is that nobody feels safe in their position. Play there every week. Tackled by Terry. Cleared by Carvalho. Allow it to evolve.
A hedge fund doesn’t change its spots. In this world of bottom lines and pure profit, fans are clients and academy players a commodity.
It’s never going to change but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Excel will always be more important than Footballing Excellence, yet we fans know that academy players will put in the extra 7 minutes after a long bruising 90, to win with the team they love.
Watching a True Blue play for the first team transports us fans down onto the pitch. It's an empathy exchange that clings to the core of club loyalty.
Elephant in the room: how do you spend over £1bn and fail to buy a viable striker? If a frustrated wasted miserable Ice Cole has to masquerade as a false 9 again, he’ll be off to Real Madrid come the Summer, before you can say “Buy-Out Clause.”
Finally, in that vein, don’t give players eight year contracts. Alongside large salaries it makes them unaffordable to other teams, thereby removing jeopardy from their status as Chelsea players.
A goal up after 20 minutes and they think they've done enough. They’re under contract for another 6 years. Crazy and then some.
So have we been Pep-a-ruined by our very own Guardiola clone?
Tinkered from simple success to complex catastrophe?
How long is this season's ‘moment’ going to be?
©Charlie Adley
18.02.2025
